# 30 Ending and Beginning...

I am actually very proud of the fact that I completed the month long challenge of posting here...well, all but for the day that I posted a poem by someone else...heck, though I had to click and paste it, so that must count for something! LOL

It has been quite some time since I wrote so often and so much each day, and I must admit that I was rarely at a loss for words...but then those who know me are quite aware of that!!

So here I am at the end of the 30 days and I reflect on what it did for me...it gave me a since of achievement...it gave me reflection time...it gave me a path back to my voice and my center...it gave me creativity.

NOW WHAT DO I DO?

I feel as if this ending is now a new beginning! All who come here know that I started this blog in 2008 to have a place to voice how I was feeling and dealing with the process that Michael and I walked together...from the beginning diagnoses to his passing. This is the place where I could rant...I could cry...I could be honest about how I was feeling at the moment each day...it was the place that I came to where I knew that someone would hold out their hand in the middle of the night to offer me strength...and love...and encouragement when I thought I could not go through another day.

And what I have realized over the past 30 days is that this blog has been used for a totally different purpose...it is now being used to write heart felt wishes for myself...dreams coming true..love...and living life to the fullest...So I have decided to put this blog to bed...to leave it here...open for anyone in need of some of the lessons I learned over the journey of 3.5 years...

I am beginning again...I have a new blog and I hope to not only write there but also to share once again my art work with myself and with those who venture there.
Please join me at: http://patriciajmosca.blogspot.com Titled: Giving Myself Permission I am deleting the past 30 days and placing them on that blog...

I look forward to sharing myself with you...I thank everyone for their love and support over the years...for the friendships I have made...for the compassion I have felt...I cannot tell you in words how much it has meant to me, especially during my darkest days...but today I am beginning again...today, my heart beats for me...today...
LIFE IS GOOD!

Content...

There is a lot to be said about feeling content...it brings a peacefulness to your life...a calm...laughter...happiness...It has been a long time since I have had this feeling. And although I may still have my moments of sadness...lately more times than not I feel content. There is no pressure...no feelings of being rushed...but rather just living in the moment...taking each day as it comes...
There is a lot to be said about feeling content...and that is how I feel at this very moment...
LIFE IS GOOD!

Time...

I have not fallen off the face of the earth...but rather I have been attending to LIFE! MY LIFE! How strange to type that...my life...my own life...
Things have changed so much for me in the past 6 months...My house is now redone and looking more like the person that I am...calmer...and brighter. I had 3.5 years to deal with Michael's passing...and although some people think that things are moving fast for me now I think they are just moving...I know my life did not move over the past 3.5 years...Those years gave me time....time with Michael...time to find out what was important to me...time to believe in myself once again...time that I probably would not have given myself otherwise...or at least I would not have been aware of the lessons that I have learned...And I take this moment to THANK those who helped me during that time...who nurtured me...and believed in me...and helped me along the way...
But...there is a time for everything...and there is a season...
And my seasons are changing...

The right size!!!!!!!!!!!!

This is now the size of the picture that I wanted to share!

Look How YOUNG I was!

We all have these "youthful" pictures of ourselves!! This one came unexpectedly across my mail this day...MY 60TH BIRTHDAY! I have received many good wishes from friends from my past...my present and my future! Reminding me to CELEBRATE LIFE!
Reminding me that the youthful girl in the picture is still within me! Reminding me that my life is GOOD and FUll...and has been all of these 60 years!

BE WELL

FIRSTS...

This is a year of "FIRSTS" for me...Michael's birthday, Memorial Day, 4th of July, the jazz festival, Corn Hill Arts Festival, Park Avenue Arts Festival, Collin's 1st day at Camp and his last day at camp, watching Collin as he proudly rides his 2 wheeler without training wheels!, and now we are coming up on Labor Day...which also marks my 60th Birthday...So how do you celebrate? What is it that you do that is "normal"...that is meaningful? People keep asking me how I am going to celebrate, and I have no idea...It CERTAINLY is a BIG BIRTHDAY! Should it go by unnoticed?... which is what I feel like it should do...I had wanted to be in Paris for my 60th...that is not going to happen this year...maybe it will only happen in my dreams I am not sure, (although I am not giving up on it quite yet)
So, this is a year of "FIRSTS"...Firsts without Michael...Firsts without my friend Marc...Firsts with trying to carve out a life of importance for myself...Firsts are pretty scary things...It seems that fear often stops me for doing things that I would not normally do...and yet, there is a part of me that says " Go ahead...try it...you just might find you like it"...Happiness is SUCH AN IMPORTANT PART OF LIFE! Coming from a place of perfection (completely in my head of course!)holds me back...from somethings, and yet for others I step out of my comfort zone...I wonder why that is? I continue to search for my place...I continue to rearrange my home...my life...so that I can fit back into it...make a new one...form new bonds, dream bigger dreams...recognize that life is for living and loving.
Firsts are very scary things! However, I am trying my best!
BE WELL...

SO...

Just what have I been doing??? Where have I been??? Elbow deep in paint! The kitchen is almost completed...I still have bi-fold doors to put back on...but the painting is done, the cleaning of cupboards, the removal of objects, new table, new light fixtures, new painting...new kitchen! It sort of sent me into a tail spin for a few days as it was a bit overwhelming...and in some way I thought perhaps I was trying to erase Michael...but NO...I am claiming my space! I am brightening my life...one room at a time...and I have also been working on a chair for the Rochester Breast Cancer Coalition ARTrageous Affair Fund Raiser...Here it is:

Back

Full Chair

Front

BE WELL